How much is food a part of your daily conversations? If you’re anything like me, a discussion about food makes me animated- excited to share my knowledge and experiences, and learn from others. Food (and drink) brings people together in powerful ways, as well. It somehow creates a space and intimacy, which means if you eat with someone you don’t like, well… it’s awkward.
There is something so comforting and inviting about serving or being served a cup of coffee in someone’s home. Something that says: Stay. Be refreshed. Be warmed. It invites.
This is a review of and reflection on Tasting Grace: Discovering the Power of Food to Connect Us to God, One Another, and Ourselves by Melissa d’Arabian. She was being interviewed on the podcast Don’t Mom Alone. Sometimes God is gracious enough to smack me in the face with the resource that I need to hear the truth, and this was one of those cases. I listened, riveted, as I walked to the park with Eugene in the stroller.
This breastfeeding mama is hungry. All the time. But when you’re also close to the kitchen for most of the day, it becomes hard to separate legitimate hunger from ooh, I have brownies in the fridge and they would go so well with ice cream! At some point it became this stronghold for Satan and I was doubting my food choices all over the place. Listening to Melissa on the podcast reminded me that God created food for us to enjoy and take pleasure in. Yes, there can be food addiction, too. But I needed the reminder that food was not something to eat in a corner with guilt and shame, but something to savor slowly with much gratitude to the Creator of such delights!
I wanted to use GoodReads to post a review of the book on social media, but I paused when I got there to read other reviews. In general, someone who is not a follower of Christ would not read a book about following Christ. However, because Melissa is a celebrity, her Christian book about food received much attention from the secular world. People were repulsed and offended by Melissa’s message of a loving God who gave us food for us to bring Him glory.
Something really struck me when I read those scathing reviews. We’re wearing glasses that reveal the truth, but when you are not wearing those glasses, the truth looks foolish and contemptible. It isn’t our job to make the truth look good. It is our job to make the truth known.
Melissa’s book weaves the beauty of God’s gift with her own story of God’s grace and work in her own life.
Some of the highlights for me:
I love the idea that food events break down social barriers. We are all dependent on God for daily sustenance. A simple meal can make a world of difference. I experienced this a few weeks ago when I decided to make a batch of pumpkin bread and deliver loaves to my neighbors. Doors were opened, I was invited in and relationships began because of that simple loaf.
Food and community at the table can also heal and bring comfort in ways that words cannot.
I was inspired by Melissa’s stories about her time living in Paris, and it made me want to live in Europe, even if just for a short time. She discovered so much about food she didn’t know as she visited each specialty shop and learned from the owners of the butchery, the fromagerie, the bakery, the fish monger. She talks about how God the Creator leaves clues for us in his food, and learning to use them is like being on an episode of Top Chef.
Also, Melissa talks about how she got through the chaos of being on The Food Network by reminding herself that God created those ingredients, He knew them best, and that He would help her. Her manta became, “trust the ingredients” (and in turn, the Creator of those ingredients.) I was struck by how simple yet applicable that is. In every situation we are in, God has made the people involved and the elements involved. He is in control.
From her experiences abroad, Melissa also learned about slowing down for cooking and eating food. The fact that God made us to need food at all forces us to slow down, at least three times a day! It teaches us patience. Then add planning, shopping, cooking and eating. It is a bonding experience with our Creator and with others. In France, people linger at the table for a long time, and savor the food. This also makes me think of Japan, where it is a bit taboo to eat on the go. Meals and even snacks are meant to be eaten sitting down (or standing around a booth).
When we cook from a recipe, we are connecting with whoever wrote that recipe. The author shares about finding her mom’s recipe box many years after her mom passed away. It was a way of understanding her mom a bit more. At my wedding, many of my relatives couldn’t come. My mom had the brilliant idea of asking relatives for their favorite dessert recipes. My fabulous mom & sisters made the recipes and attached the name of the recipe owner. It was their way of “attending.”
I also relate to how food connects when I think of sharing the food from one culture with someone who has never experienced the culture. My husband’s family is Korean. They introduced me to the many joys of Korean food I had never experienced, and it was bonding and a way to understand them more. Then I was excited to pass on this experience to others who had never tried certain Korean dishes (not the ones everyone has had, like barbeque.)
Probably the most convicting passage was about food as stewardship. I used to be really on the organic & humane meat bandwagon, but recently I dropped everything for “whatever is the cheapest.” I think I decided that it was the best way to steward what God had given me. But Melissa reminded me of the flip side of how we treat God’s creatures who give their lives for us to enjoy some meat. That God put the world in our care, to steward. d’Arabian writes:
We are not off the hook simply because we are so busy fulfilling our desire to make a profit- and have the cheapest food possible- that we shield our eyes from the impact of our own selfishness. When we put on blinders to shield our conscience, we cannot with legitimacy claim ignorance about the food system. If we prioritize money, ease and comfort above all else, we cannot face our maker at the end of our lives and say we did the best with his earth.
Ouch. I definitely needed to read that. She also talks about a Food Network judge who took her daughters to see a pig slaughtering because her philosophy was that someone who can’t see how meat is made has no right to eat it.
I only recently have been getting really good at watching how much we spend on groceries. I am pretty bad at impulse buying at the grocery store, then letting things mold in the fridge. I am determined now to plan meals based around what I already have available. Not a novel concept, I know, but to me it’s a game changer. I want to give a shout out to Jordan Page over at funcheaporfree.com for all the inspiration she’s given me in that area!
I really loved the chapter on God’s invitation to delight. It was a good reminder that God didn’t have to make such a spectrum of incredible flavors available. It also inspired me to slow down and enjoy the goodness. I loved her pointing out the irony of our “healthy eating craze” where we reject a tomato because it has too much sugar in favor of some artificially flavored and colored blue sports drink. She also had the great point that God gave the right balance of sugar and fiber in the foods he made. Fruit has natural sugar, but it is combined with fiber that helps us get full. When we have soda or candy, we can consume way more sugar than we were ever meant to without getting full!
How can we be God’s stewards of the bodies he has given us without falling into the trap of feeding into the world’s ideal of beauty? Melissa says outwardly the two may look the same, but inwardly they feel completely different. God made us and said we were good. When we complain about our bodies, we are saying that God made a mistake, and that what he made is not good. We were created to enjoy food, and we were created to move and both give God glory. She wisely points out that it is not glorifying to him when we complain about the extra piece of pie we ate and that we need to punish ourselves at the gym.
Last summer my downstairs neighbor invited me to go strawberry picking with her. (I think the last time I did that I was five, and at the time I thought I didn’t like strawberries. Somehow, I do remember stubbornly sticking to my story, despite the fact that I had tasted them and they were good.) After being in the hot sun all day with a sore back from bending over (I was also quite pregnant!) the fact that you could buy a pack of ripe red strawberries at a grocery store was so much more of a miracle to me! This is Melissa’s next point. If you only buy food at the grocery store, you have missed the miracle that is found in eating what was grown. She encourages us to pay attention to where our food comes from, and to get involved even just a little- like starting an herb garden.
Melissa’s last chapter on hospitality is really beautiful. She has had many moments in which she was tempted to make a visit with guests about the presentation of amazing food, but instead stuck to simplicity. Her point is, even if you do decide to make a fancy meal, the important thing is the guests, the connection and the relationship. Don’t cook to impress or intimidate, she would say, but to bless and connect.
I really loved some of her original ideas that she and her family implemented, like a mother-daughter tea for her girls’ friends, and an annual party for her kids’ classmates and their parents right before school started.
I think if I said anymore, I’d be rewriting her book. Go read it. Go listen to the Don’t Mom Alone podcast episode of her being interviewed. And go enjoy a beautiful piece of fruit and worship our amazing Creator!
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